Sunday, August 28, 2011
Part I
I can't believe I'm here talking to myself again. I kind of like this feeling when I feel like I'm sharing about my life with a good friend and this friend is probably the best listening ear ever. I can pour out everything and I don't need to care what anyone else thinks. But I guess that's rather impossible, information shared online can never be private and readers will always judge you according to what you write.
✯ ✯ ✯
I'm so glad I'm back in Malaysia again. Everything just seems different here even the air smells fresher and the night colder. Everything feels much more pleasant than that dump where fresh air is extremely scarce and staying at home for a day would probably drive one crazy. Or just me.
This is irritating or what, this pop-up keeps popping up and tells me that there is a type error and an object is required -_- Ok let me continue with my story: I actually can feel my jelly belly wobbling and undulating because I've eaten too much agar. This is the best agar I've ever eaten just that it now stinks of durian but I'm actually still eating it LOL
✯ ✯ ✯
And this morning something out of the ordinary happened. I'm not sure if it is something I've experienced before because it is a new kind of that kind of experience. It's when I feel like Tom, suddenly imagining himself as a jackass and realising how stupid he is all of a sudden.
This morning when I just woke up, I dreamily sat down on a chair and CRASH, it really was a loud crash. And I fell through it. I tried to get out of the metal skeleton and had a hard time doing so considering my mental state at that moment and I was in extreme pain and my clothes got caught by some metal protruding out. When I finally escaped from that chair, I lay on the bed, waiting for the pain to soothe and go away, but it didn't. Just then, my mum strolled in like it was the most pleasant morning ever and I was actually brave enough not to cry up to this moment, BUT!
(Please stay tuned to Part II cause I'm off to sleep now)
Friday, August 26, 2011
Credits to Google search engine
タンポポ
これは花ですか？＾ー＾
I love dandelions.
Sometimes, I wish there were bigger species of them here in Singapore :-) When I was in Korea, I felt bad, everything just felt bad, but it wasn't meant to be that way. It was a dream come true, it truly was. I loved everything there. But I didn't enjoy myself one single bit and when I saw this beautiful dandelion at the side of the hedge, I felt like trampling on it. But I knew I would never bear to do that. I bent down, took in a deep breath and blew~~
Everything bad just seemed to drift off with the wisps of florets. Watching them dancing and somersaulting in the air, that made me happy :-) Still, I will never forget those eight days of my life, when every single day, I had to force myself to resist and bottle up every single tear and I thought that that was as much horrible as giving a plastic smile :-)
But I guess the only thing one can do is to change the future instead of brooding over the past. We can only move on in life because we can never rewind time and restart all over again.
❁ ❁ ❁
Walked home with my dear friend Hanee today ^-^ I'm so glad we've buried that small little hatchet and I truly hope she's forgotten about the whole matter, and so has Sinyi.. Anyways, it was extremely L----O----L and we laughed all the way until we parted. I don't think we'll run out of things to laugh at won't we? :-) The school hasn't informed us of our end-of-year examination dates yet so there I'm not feeling stressed and anxious just yet, not a single bit :-) AND I like this feeling 8-D I wish I could run home immediately after school and laze around at home or hang out with my weird friends with no deadlines, no priorities and no nothing.
I love my friends. I hate pretense, who doesn't? But I've learnt to accept it, I guess it's part and parcel of living in society. No man is an island, but if I could, I wish I could be an island.
❁ ❁ ❁
Everyone tells me I'm weird. I laugh out loud when I want to and I often give weird expressions when I cannot react, I also give you a kind of black face if you disgust me, I give all sorts of faces to people of all sorts, faces that even call for a beating. I know many people are rather intimidated by me and I am rather unwilling to put on an act, smiling, sharing and laughing when I don't see the need to. I do not like flirting and trying to speak and act in a certain way so someone will like me. I do not like trying to be a sophisticated and glamorous high school it girl. Therefore I laugh my head off whenever I feel like it and I ignore jokes when I don't think they're funny. Low EQ you say? :-) I do not think I'm weird at all. I think people who pretend are weirder, do you even know who the real you really is? I was once like every one of you, pretending from the moment I step out of my house and when I got home, I felt disgusted and horrible. But, I guess some people really do enjoy doing things to win the favour and hearts of everyone :-) But I see through it all :-)
❁ ❁ ❁
Today morning was great. I love rainy mornings :-) The air always seems exceptionally cool and fresh and the smell of rain makes it even more pleasant :-) I like the smell of certain things, such as my hair and clothes, textbooks and cleanly printed paper. However, I dislike certain smells such as deodorants, perfumes, colognes and any vapour designed to make one smell nice, how ironic it is because they actually make you smell like poo. This morning, the pungent smell of a woman's perfume actually provoked a sneeze. I also dislike fumes from cigarettes and vehicles and burning because they choke my lungs
❁ ❁ ❁
-Terry, Jerry and Reely are substitute names-
I miss some of my old friends now and then. Even though it has been ages since I've spoken to Terry, I really do reminisce the times we spent together, dancing, chatting and all kinds of girl stuff. Once, she called me and told me all about her problems, she was crying and that totally drove me to the verge of tears. I'm not sure if Reely went with me to her house after our project but everything was alright after that. That day, I felt something precious called 'friendship'. It was like someone actually thought of you in one of their desperate moments and knew you would be there for them, it was friendship. Another time, I felt so distressed about my friendship with Jerry, I ran away to a corner, crying. Jerry probably saw me, but I guess she was busy talking to guys. And guess what, Reely followed me all the way. We sat down on the curb somewhere behind the computer labs and as I poured out my troubles to her, she gave me advice and comfort. What was heartening was the fact that Reely was actually trying to make amendments for our broken friendship in the past. Reely if you're seeing this: You're an awesome friend, really, putting in effort to salvage something precious I neglected in the past. Do enjoy your life overseas because Terry, Noelle and I will be waiting for your return even though the three of us will never be what we used to be anymore.
* * *
I'll be rushing off to church now since I haven't packed my luggage, have a fine day ahead ^-^
xxx
Angela B.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Sometimes, I feel ugly too. I remember happily telling all my friends that I've stepped out of that dark pit I once fell into, yet I feel like I'm nearing that pit and I'm on the verge of falling deep down that bottomless hole once again..
Yes, I am aware that the people around me are getting sick and tired of telling me time and again that I'm not ugly and fat. Sometimes, I feel confident too. But not always and when such excruciating emotions overwhelm me, I'll hide somewhere. Yes, I get sick and tired of myself too but who has the easier way out? You can choose to walk away but for me, I am forced to battle against my conflicting emotions. And I'm tired, truly. And I need to give myself a chance so that I won't leave that blue building and start crying to myself.
✿ ✿ ✿
I've flared up twice in two days and I need to control my temper. I should never let my anger evolve into a monster and devour me. Thankfully, I did not pass them the first letter I wrote in an attempt to let out steam. I still love them but I hope we can forget about this issue asap. Thank you VC, for calming me down and Hanee and Sinyi for forgiving me :-)
✿ ✿ ✿
I feel so happy talking to Esther. Even though I'm not even good friends with her and we've barely spoken to each other, I feel that she's a really kind and sincere person. I'm not writing this because she just asked for my blog url -__- I remember getting really excited when I saw her friend request on Facebook, I think it was one of the few times I felt rather incredulous.
I remember once I left church crying and Kimberly and Sulynn followed me all the way to the bus stop, comforting and encouraging me as we went along, those were one of the best moments I had :-) There was another night, Julia and I were returning to church with late night snacks from the petrol kiosk, she accompanied me because she wanted me to feel that I actually had a friend in church :-) Even though I do not know what to say to all of you, I sincerely thank all of you for warming my heart, I'm truly touched and I know all of you are there for me always :-)
✿ ✿ ✿
I've started learning how to play Hymn 435 on the piano, which is one of my favourite hymns. It is, however, an Irish folk song named 'Londonderry Air' in my book and I checked my hymns book and realised that it indeed was adapted from that song LOL
Today I learnt this new trick called Arpeggiation that made a beautiful drrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRng sound when different piano keys are played almost simultaneously. My granny used to tell me how our neighbour could make this drrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRng sound that even my grandpa praises it. Therefore, I have made up my mind to practice hard to master this trick.
xx
Angela B.
P.S. I've decided to upload a picture of myself now and then to keep my blog fresh :-)
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
A new beginning
Angela needs a new box to accommodate her thoughts and ideas.
❀ ❀ ❀
Results were rather disappointing today. Sometimes, I feel that efforts I've invested in my studies have gone down the drains. I am clear that I dislike to be equal to any one of the studious students in my school and I have shown it. I do not like spending my weekends on homework and revision. Neither am I willing to devote my holidays to hard-core studying and pulling up my socks. I am aware that I will not be able to compare in standing with other Rv students if I do not fill my brain with information that I have payed no attention to and complete every practice paper I could lay my hands on, I would not be able to survive in Rv.
But these, everything is suffocating me. I will not allow that to happen, you know what, I have a Physics test tomorrow and now, I will choose to continue typing my heart out here. :-)
Just kidding, I'm one of the I-can-only-start-studying-at-night students, or am I the only one?:-)
❀ ❀ ❀
This weekend, I would be off and away overseas. Counting down two days before I'll be back in my homeland. Didn't you know? I truly hope you didn't, perhaps you could've guessed it from that tinge of accent when I speak :-) I would very willingly show off my expert skills of speaking in a Malaysian accent if you happen to meet me one day :-)
❀ ❀ ❀
I'm considering a few subjects I'd like to concentrate on at H2 level. Probably you've guessed that I'm more of a linguistics person? :-) I do not have an interest in science, particularly Physics. Take for example, a recent topic, Electromagnetic Induction, I was yawning and doodling and lollygagging the whole lesson and of course, anticipating for dear recess. I especially dislike Wednesday lessons because I would have to attend two hours of Math and Physics before I could enjoy my brunch. I think that is rather unfair, or just to my stomach. I like food, I really do. I like healthy food even more. But sometimes, we'd get sick of things we eat everyday don't we and I'll start indulging myself in my favourite unhealthy food i.e (which actually means that is) kimchi instant noodles, magnum, chocolate, fries and burgers. But these actually can make me sick in a a short span of two days time. I am actually extremely prone to flu and fever and cough and red eyes, especially before tests :-) Just this year, I actually fell sick and was admitted to the hospital, I missed all of my Mid-year examinations ^-^ It all began with an overdose of Cadbury chocolate and oreo and I started having high fever everyday (not on and off) and no amount of medicine could've cured me. I can relate my marvelous adventures in the hospital to you perhaps some time later :-)
* * *
My friend Sinyi actually came to my house today. We had a great time together although I felt rather sad when she suaned me for no reason. But I guess I'll just get over it since I suan her sometimes too. I decided to stop suaning my friends because I was totally shocked and hurt when she did that to me. It isn't a taste of my own medicine because I don't do it in a hurtful manner. I love my friends and my clique, VC, Hanee and Sinyi. They make awesome friends :-) I am thankful to find weird friends as such so I don't feel them regarding me with contempt and disdain :-) I totally enjoy our eccentric and quirky topics and actions. Laughter is the best medicine to one's troubles. Haven't you heard of that? Or did I make that up myself.. -_-
Just two days ago, I went to KBOX with Sinyi and when we met VC and Hanee for lunch, I pretended to have a severe sore throat by making a sick face whilst pointing to my throat. I thought I did a good job at acting since the both of them fell for my act(snickers) and Hanee actually asked me why I burped at her when the sound I made was actually a raspy 'uh' -_______- But you still cannot deny the fact that I am rather good at acting certain scenes (e.g mentally unstable scenes, mood swing scenes, crazy laughter scenes and even creepy scenes which I will stop acting from now onwards [if I can control it])
Ok back on track, me and Sinyi actually did random levels of the workout DVD. I guess the abs exercise was the most effective although it isn't that effective after all since it takes regular exercise to keep fit :-) I guess you'd guessed that I am not a sporty fella' but as the saying goes 'all brawn and no brains' :-) I do not like it when people have this misconception that I am physically weak just because I am pale and skinny. To prove my point, I actually attained GOLD for my NAPFA test just last year (smirks) and I think I am not bad at running long distances and brisk walking and it's just that I never train hard enough for better stamina. I also like certain sports such as swimming, badminton and snooker (if that counts) and hula-hooping. But I've stopped hula-hooping because I cannot find a good hula-hoop that is heavy enough for me and doesn't make me tickle. However, I think I am a good brisk walker, you might wanna challenge me :-) Anyways, I do not like sports for certain reasons too. Firstly, I tend to perspire A LOT I bet you don't believe me. But I perspire more than anyone you've ever seen and I've ever seen in my whole entire life to what extent you're asking? Once I went on a church outing to the botanic gardens in Putrajaya, five minutes after we gathered for a short briefing before entering, my whole back was wet. My entire face, head and neck was dripping with annoying globules of sweat and I used up three packets of tissue paper even before I entered the park and I had to resort to using a baby's hankerchief to wipe my sweat. I was thoroughly embarrassed by the whole event because some people asked me if I bathed -___-
Secondly, I hate it when my spectacles slide down my nose and perspiration trickles down the back of my ears. This is accompanied with a skin rash that always develops every time I do exercise and that includes walking, just walking, on my arms, neck and face. I'll feel extremely irritated, enough to yell at anyone who passes by me at that moment, JUST KIDDING!! You bet :-) don't piss me off when I'm sweating cause I'll make sure you learn your lessons MUAHAHAHHAHAH...AHAHAHAHAHAHA...HAHAHAHAHA...And the last reason, which only applies to swimming. I always tend to make exaggeratedly big movements when I swim freestyle, strong kicks and slaps that cause big splashes of water as I swim by and I didn't even know it. I always wondered why the lifeguard stared at me everytime I stopped to take a breather until my friend laughed at me and told me I looked like I was drowning and struggling in water HAHAHA not funny... Then I always wondered why I seemed to be diving deeper and deeper into the water when I swam frog style and I just could not lift my head out of the water to take breaths. I would hold my breath for 30 seconds or so until I came out of the water. Then one day, my aunt told me I was swimming downwards and the worst part is my backside was facing up and out of the water. I don't even understand how that is possible but I just laughed it off sheepishly and I haven't swam ever since that incident.
❀ ❀ ❀
I shall end here, considering I haven't done my revision on Physics
xxx
♥Angela♥
