Sometimes, I feel ugly too. I remember happily telling all my friends that I've stepped out of that dark pit I once fell into, yet I feel like I'm nearing that pit and I'm on the verge of falling deep down that bottomless hole once again..
Yes, I am aware that the people around me are getting sick and tired of telling me time and again that I'm not ugly and fat. Sometimes, I feel confident too. But not always and when such excruciating emotions overwhelm me, I'll hide somewhere. Yes, I get sick and tired of myself too but who has the easier way out? You can choose to walk away but for me, I am forced to battle against my conflicting emotions. And I'm tired, truly. And I need to give myself a chance so that I won't leave that blue building and start crying to myself.
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I've flared up twice in two days and I need to control my temper. I should never let my anger evolve into a monster and devour me. Thankfully, I did not pass them the first letter I wrote in an attempt to let out steam. I still love them but I hope we can forget about this issue asap. Thank you VC, for calming me down and Hanee and Sinyi for forgiving me :-)
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I feel so happy talking to Esther. Even though I'm not even good friends with her and we've barely spoken to each other, I feel that she's a really kind and sincere person. I'm not writing this because she just asked for my blog url -__- I remember getting really excited when I saw her friend request on Facebook, I think it was one of the few times I felt rather incredulous.
I remember once I left church crying and Kimberly and Sulynn followed me all the way to the bus stop, comforting and encouraging me as we went along, those were one of the best moments I had :-) There was another night, Julia and I were returning to church with late night snacks from the petrol kiosk, she accompanied me because she wanted me to feel that I actually had a friend in church :-) Even though I do not know what to say to all of you, I sincerely thank all of you for warming my heart, I'm truly touched and I know all of you are there for me always :-)
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I've started learning how to play Hymn 435 on the piano, which is one of my favourite hymns. It is, however, an Irish folk song named 'Londonderry Air' in my book and I checked my hymns book and realised that it indeed was adapted from that song LOL
Today I learnt this new trick called Arpeggiation that made a beautiful drrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRng sound when different piano keys are played almost simultaneously. My granny used to tell me how our neighbour could make this drrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRng sound that even my grandpa praises it. Therefore, I have made up my mind to practice hard to master this trick.
xx
Angela B.
P.S. I've decided to upload a picture of myself now and then to keep my blog fresh :-)
